Tall Mom tiny baby: Are You Ready For Another Baby?
                                                                                           

Are You Ready For Another Baby?

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Are you thinking about having another baby? When are you guys going to start on your second? Doesn't it just make you want another one? Itty Bitty needs a brother or sister.

Umm...

    No.

          At least for a loooong time. No thank you, no way, I don't think so.
Warning to all new moms out there. As soon as your little one turns about one, questions about a hopeful next pregnancy start popping up. 

Sometimes they are just kind friends asking, others are blatant and somewhat pushy. People feel entitled to ask you about having another baby.

It would probably be fine to ask if I was planning on having another around now, and truth be told, I once thought having a baby next summer would be a great idea. 


But life has other plans for me.


Why?

I'll give you 5 good reasons:



5. Sleep


I still haven't slept. It has been 2 years of sleepless nights.

We were getting sleep, but then teeth just kept coming in. Why weren't we designed to be born with our teeth already formed? This is torture for the poor guy, and torture for Tall Dad and I.

And for those of you suffering from long sleepless nights as well, you might want to grab a tube of my favorite eye firming cream. If it weren't for eye cream, I'd look like a freckled Grim Reaper.

4. Money

Babies are expensive.

We are in the (very long) process of hopefully buying a home. Bye bye savings account, and hello mortgage. Having frequent doctor bills and blood tests, as well as maternity clothing, isn't really in the budget. I already have three jobs, and am contemplating taking on another one for the holiday season so we can purchase presents.

I can't fathom buying big ticket items again, like a double stroller or another crib.

Two monthly diaper orders? No thank you. And how can we afford childcare for two?


I know, I know, it's never a good time.


                         But seriously, it's not, at least for our family.


3. Work

I just started a new teaching job, which is incredibly exciting! I don't want to take away from starting this new position. My other job, in the local film industry, is about to get super busy - we begin filming 'Bleed For This' in November. I'm going to be running all around the state, and conducting Christmas choral concerts - doesn't sound like a good time to have first trimester fatigue/nausea/mood swings.

Also, I know it's silly and it shouldn't bother me, but I'd hate to be "the new pregnant girl." You know the one, who just gets a new job, and before you know it, is pregnant. It's happened to a few of my friends, and they have explained to me how difficult it was to get established, while hiding the fact they were pregnant.

2. Marriage

I love Tall Dad, and he loves me, but this past year and a half our marriage has taken a beating. Mind you, we are probably stronger and more in love than before...but we have been through the trenches.

Between dealing with outside family telling us our parenting decisions were downright "wrong," going through seven long months of colic, my getting ill due to sleep deprivation, and a general lack of date nights - our relationship as a married couple has evolved. We promised each other before we brought Itty Bitty inside of our house that we would put our marriage first, but it's hard to do that when you do not have a lot of time for one another. Adding a new baby to our lives would make for an even more interesting juggling.


And then there is the biggest reason...


1. I May Not Be Able To


I don't know if having another baby is in the cards. 


My body has a mind of its own. My cycles are beyond irregular, and I can go up to 60 days without a visit from Aunt Flo. When she does come, her trip lasts anywhere from 7-3 days.

I've occasionally taken ovulation tests to try to figure out my cycle (not to get pregnant) and they have never shown anything but the control line. I have no idea when I ovulate, or if I do anymore.

Maybe my body was just meant to have one baby - Itty Bitty.

This reason is the hardest for me to talk about, but the most important. It's just like when people used to ask me all the time if I was pregnant, and I wasn't. It broke my heart a little each time.

I am afraid to see my doctor and make an appointment, for fear that something may actually be wrong. I don't know if I'm ready to go through tests, or start the process of figuring out my fertility situation. It can get heavy, and involve a lot of mental and emotional work.

And it's not something I'm just making up in my mind. To be honest with you, we haven't used birth control for over a year. I was excited at the idea that I might finally have a normal monthly cycle. I never had one, and heard that having a baby sometimes makes you regular.

I waited, and waited and waited. I breastfeed Itty Bitty, so I expected to wait a long time for my first visit from Aunt Flo.


She showed up, around 6 months, and then took her time after that. She has visited only 5 times since I gave birth. 

Itty Bitty is a year and a half.


I've bought a stockpile of pregnancy and ovulation tests. My bathroom wastebasket holds weekly remnants of negative one lined strips.


Maybe my lack of a normal feminine schedule has tainted my mind about a second child. Maybe I now see the world through rose-one child-only- glasses.


I used to picture having more children, but Itty Bitty has filled my plate on his own. He is a vivacious, loud, loving child, and I don't know if I want another one.
And that's okay. I'm coming to grips with it. I'm also starting to say it outloud to people who ask me if and when I will get pregnant again.

"Itty Bitty is enough for me :)" comes off a lot nicer than "Mind your own business."


Did anyone else struggle with the dreaded question about when they were going to have another? Or am I just some cranky woman?


Talk soon friends,



20 comments:

  1. My cycle was the same as yours, the Drs didn't think I ovulated, but I did. I used fertility shots for my first and ended up with two more right away. Good luck with whatever you decide.

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  2. I have two boys who are three years apart. I wanted them 2 years apart, but it didn't work out that way.

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  3. I don’t have the baby itch right now. Sure they are so much to love, and are adorable, I just do not know if we could swing another one so soon…

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  4. I am due with my third and am getting the opposite reaction, are you done yet?! Can equally be hurtful. I just don't get what prompts people to feel inclined to ask such personal questions. You do what is right for you. Don't stress that is the biggest piece of advice I can give. Babies come when they are ready. :)

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  5. I was never asked this outright after my son turned one, but if I had been, I would have had a very hard time not losing my mind. Especially if their reasoning was, "You HAVE to give Benjamin a sibling."

    As an only child who is perfectly fine having grown up an only child, and never felt like I was missing out on some mystical magical sibling relationship (and still don't)...no one NEEDS a sibling. People may want to give their kids siblings, but no one needs one.

    And your final reason is the BIGGEST reason why it grinds my gears that people feel it is ok for them to ask questions about a woman's pregnancy, or if they plan on having kids/more kids. I did not struggle to get pregnant, but if I had, I don't know how on earth I would have handled any questions regarding getting pregnant. Knowing myself, I probably would have been blowing up and then crying at anyone who asked.

    You do what is best for YOU and YOUR family. Tell everyone else to butt out. :)

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  6. I don't have any children and we are pretty sure we won't have any. The only itch I have is to get more puppies! lol ;)

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  7. Ah yah people ask since the "Trend" seems to be 3 kids. No way - 2 is enough!

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  8. YES I am! We have 5, our oldest is 17 months, this is the longest time I have not been pregnant. I am praying for God's will for a 6th.

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  9. I have 3 kids and would loved to have had another but I have already gone through menopause and cannot have any more. Yours is darling.

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  10. I had this inner cringe when I read the first question. I am so done having children. I struggled with infertility (PCOS, not ovulating) for years and years and came out of it with 3 beautiful children. After my last, my body was just DONE and so was I. It was an easy decision for me. Thankfully, I didn't ever have anyone ask if I was going to have more children. I can see how that would be an uncomfortable thing if you aren't sure if you will have more babies or not.

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  11. It seems like a curse once you have kids, people always ask when you will have the next one. And It's so frustrating with them being so nosy. I keep asking "when are YOU?" that usually shuts them up. lol. But really. It's hard. It's something that really should be left to you and your family and not any of their business.

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  12. It seems like a curse once you have kids, people always ask when you will have the next one. And It's so frustrating with them being so nosy. I keep asking "when are YOU?" that usually shuts them up. lol. But really. It's hard. It's something that really should be left to you and your family and not any of their business.

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  13. Sometimes I think I want another but then I borrow a baby for a while and I'm good.

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  14. Haha, I totally feel your pain! My son is almost 2 and still struggles sleeping through the night. Baby number 2 is on the way whether I'm ready or not!

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  15. I am totally done and am okay with it. My best friend is going through invetro right now and it has been so super-tough on her and I feel so helpless. The worst was like with you, the questions over the last couple of months if she was prego.

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  16. I think it comes down to something as simple as this. You'll have another baby when you're ready. Maybe you'll be ready in a year. Maybe two. Maybe never. Whatever happens, it's your family and your decision.

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  17. I struggle with it only because I want another one. I'm ready. Husband isn't.

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  18. You're not missing out, I'm so uncomfortable! (8 months pregnant). I totally get what you mean about everyone asking constantly, though.

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  19. I under stand your reasoning! A baby is a HUGE commitment, and it's soo hard to have two so close together.

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  20. I am definitely not ready for another baby...maybe ever.

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